Letter for Samarah
by Tyler Everts
Summary: Akuji Colo struggles to realize reality, or merely accept it.
1. Chapter 1

Letter for Samarah

I folded the letter with the greatest precision, making sure all aspects of it would be perfect. On the front were clearly printed words, "TO SAMARAH". I put on my shoes. I put on my best pair of pants. I put on my favorite shirt. The shirt was plain white, and tight to the skin. I remember thinking to myself, "This room is just a mess". I grabbed the guitars scattered on the floor that once created sweet songs that rivaled the birds, and silenced them inside their case. I went around stealing the energy that made the electronics hum and live, unplugging them. All the things that were once in my room now reside in clearly labeled boxes, so anyone could find whatever they were looking for.

The room was completely empty, except for a bed whose sheets are also carefully folded and packed. The room being completely stripped and barren seemed so ironic to me.

I knew no one would be home for some time, nearly seven hours, so no one would care what I do. I started to exit the room when I could hear something vibrating.

I reached and grabbed my cellular phone turning it off with haste, not so much as glancing at it. I knew who it was. I threw the phone onto the bed and walked out of the room.

As I walked outside there was supposedly a flurry of senses that were supposed to come to life in others, but I must have missed it. My nose must have smelt the fire, instead of the flowers. My ears must have heard the screams, instead of the grasshoppers calling to one another. My skin must have felt the chemicals burning through it, instead of the warmth of the sun. My body must have missed the world.

Or maybe I just didn't care to notice, because only one thing grasped my mind in it's vice grip: The contemplation of freedom.

Upward, the clouds seemed to form syllables and vowels that the sky turned into words that pierced the clouds forcing them to cry.

I looked at the sky, and thrust the blade into a cavity in my chest where a heart should be. Dropping to my knees I told the sky not to mourn for me, to stop shedding tears. Instead, wash my own crimson tears into yourself, become full of nourishment. To create life from such a vile substance from the most wicked of men.

I fell to my back, water in my eyes but no tears. The world begins to blur, the clouds begin to disappear. The screams fade, the fire smothers, the acid null. The trees, gone. The earth, gone. The farce tears began to stop as a rainbow appeared as to symbolize the betterment of the world, and to replace what once was. My life, disappears.


	2. Chapter 2

It's Time

"Akuji! Get up or you'll be late for school!" Just ignore her, I have found salvation.

"Akuji right now!" Can't you just leave me alone? I have finally found my peace… "Alright Kim, I'm up. I am getting into the bath tub right now."

"Akuji, why can't you call me mother?" If I shut the door she will go away.

I turn the water on after I closed the drain, today was a day for a bath. I turn the water to the hottest setting possible, hoping to awaken me and make me feel alive. Warmth of the water scolds my skin turning it red, but I am not even quivering. I will fill it to the brim of the tub.

I slowly slide down under the water, submerging all but my head. The heat tightens my chest making it hard to breath. I exhale and submerge my head.

Did I mean to inhale first? No, I meant for this, to be under here with little to no air. I continue to lay calm as my chest collapses under the pressure and heat as three minutes pass. I am becoming dizzy as I start losing the unconscious struggle my body puts up to stay conscious.

NO! STOP! What am I doing? I sit up, gasping for air. I can't die here, she wouldn't want it. I grab a towel barely large enough to wrap around my body, and begin to brush my teeth than shave.

The blade tempts me, beckoning me to slip, to press too hard. It has an undying thirst for blood that must be quenched frequently. "A little knick," it cries, "just enough so I can get by." Ok. The blade can have what it wants this time. A vibration? Sorry blade some other time.

I realize quickly it is my phone, but I do not need to look to see who it is. I open the phone and a text message reads as follows:

From: Samarah.

"Morning Akuji, I better see you at school! How did you sleep last night? I love you."

I suppose I should get dressed now. The blade begins to scream as I put on my jean shorts and plain red shirt, "You said you would please me! You liar! You vermin! Don't you leave me like this!" I reach for the blade to fulfill my promise as Kim barges into the room.

"Akuji! What are you doing? We are leaving right now!" Fine Kim, just wait I have some things I need to grab. I grab my wallet, my phone and a notebook in which I write my thoughts to attempt to keep my head straight.

Stepping into the passenger seat of a car I buckle up and lean the seat back, in hopes of catching some sleep before we reach the school. I can feel the acceleration of the vehicle as Kim accelerates down the road. It is about half-way through the commute, as Kim screams and I hear the squeal of wheels and the car is forcibly jerked to the left. Opening my eyes I calmly assess the situation.


	3. Chapter 3

Passenger Seat

A car coming straight at us, not slowing or reacting to anything. We can do nothing to change the angle at which the car will hit. Because Kim turned to the left the passenger door, and my seat, were now turned towards the car that was traveling at least 70 miles per hour. All of this was what I was thinking the two seconds before the car would hit.

Embracing the thought of the crash created a smile on my face. The car continued, just like I thought it would, and hit the side of the car dead on. The impact caused my own car to go flying, creating a flip and leaving us with the hood to the asphalt. Now the car is on fire and I look over to see my mother crawling out of the car, relatively unharmed. I closed my eyes, re-enacting the car crash. Opening my eyes a few seconds later I saw Kim on the side of the road, screaming for me to get out. The warmth of the fire felt splendid. The scream pierced, it begged for me to be ok. No, not a scream created for me, but created through the world that we live in. Subliminal placements throughout her whole life have diluted her thoughts into believing that she cares for me. If she doesn't cry, civilization thinks her to be a monster. Evil.

Embracing my warm end with glorious hope I saw a single dandelion reaching for the sun. It too wished for warmth like I do. It seemed to say the world supports you Akuji, you are doing the right thing. Die in peace. 


	4. Chapter 4

School

Fourth hour I found myself sitting with Samarah. She spoke of something that I couldn't remember but she said it, and that's all that mattered to me at the time.

"How has your day gone," she spoke to me.

"Well it is ok… how's your day been Sam?"

"I have been having an alright day."

"That's good."

"I am really cold though. Also really tired"

"Oh, I'm sorry. If I had a jacket I would let you use it."

"You are so kind Aku. Thank-you."


	5. Chapter 5

Home, Or Is It?

Next thing I know I am awake at home. Or am I asleep? Dreaming. No, not a dream… a nightmare. I sit in my chair and begin to think. Where am I at? At home. Where do I want to go? To where I am loved. Who am I? Who am I? Who am I… I am Akuji Colo. I am 16 years old. I have one true friend named Samarah. She is my true friend, right? She says she is, and I believe her. She is. She is there when I need her. She actually cares about me. My feelings. My existence. My existence? What is my existence? Do I really exist? I know I think I exist, or that this is existence, but I could be wrong, or lying to myself. Lying? The most natural think in the world to me. I can't lie to her though. I feel unnatural and the exhilaration of feeling change to unnatural makes me feel alive. It expresses me more than any dark writing I could ever tear from my "being" and write in my notebook. The only reason for my pathetic existence is her: Samarah. When I commit more evil than any other person, thank Samarah. When I cause more pain than imaginable, thank Samarah. When more people have their lives ruined than bees that have lost their queens, thank Samarah. World, thank her, for she is the one who made it all possible. Thank her. Thank her? I don't thank her enough. She does so much for me, and I, do nothing to make her life any better. My tainted soul dilutes her being. Maybe if I can find a way to detach myself from her it would purify her life-force making her own existence better and help her solve her problems. Solve her problems? I am not her "savior". I am far from it. I am the problems. As long as I am she can not be. Samarah what do I do? Once more I drink from the well I have poisoned. Once more I snuff out a flame by stealing it's oxygen. Once more I die inside. When will my body catch up?


	6. Chapter 6

The Party

Sitting atop a tree house I play chords, which I have never heard, and sing words that have never left the tip of my tongue. Where is this coming from? How could I sing this song with such familiarity, but not know the following word consciously? Am I dreaming, or is this wake? "Aku, that sounds beautiful."

Samarah?

"Play it again!"

"Ok."

The song flows out of the guitar into the air as would a river to an ocean. Now it is over. Did she like it? I hope so.

"Aku, why are you seem so sad? Why do you fingers pull the tears from the strings instead of the enjoyment?"

"I don't know Samarah. I am just fine though, I promise."

"Are you sure?"

Nod. Yes.

"Well ok then. Palmer, lets go watch a movie!"

I am walking away, I need to be alone.

"Ok Samarah, what movie?"

"Not James Bond we always watch…"

Finally. Isolation. They won't notice my absence in their presence. Like Samarah said, all my fingers are capable of is pulling tears. I might as well go home.

"Bye Samarah."


	7. Chapter 7

Dazed

To: Samarah

Hey Sam, I am not coming to school today. I feel sick and I can't handle the people at school. Hope you have a good day.

I feel sick… why does this happen to me? I feel like I shouldn't be, like the world is purging, and I should be gone. I don't understand this world and gives me an even worse feeling. I have been contemplating suicide. It has been happening a lot. I can see what I want to happen, and then I wake up in a different place, at a different time. Is death impossible to catch? Does all that really happen is I get stuck in my fucked up life over and over? I want to take the knife to my heart. Slit my throat. Die. For to die is the best way to prove your alive. To die is the best way to prove who loves you. To die is the best way. I should die. Maybe I should tell Samarah what I am feeling. No… I can't… I am going to lunch at school. I am going to say goodbye to Samarah, and then I am going to die. I am going to embrace this death as not an end but a beginning. I hope I will see Samarah in the next life, for she is the only thing I have in this one.


	8. Chapter 8

School

I am driving to school. As I sign into school, I see that Samarah was signed out. See left? She is sick too? Oh Samarah…

"HEY AKUJI!!"

"Hello Ares."

"What sup?"

"Just about to leave Ares, what's new with you?

"Oh, Samarah checked out, you should call her when you leave."

"Ok."

Hello, Samarah? Are you ok? No that's not right.

"Samarah? Are you ok? I came to school to talk to you… I need to talk to you really bad Sam."

"Akuji, I can't talk sorry."

Oh, ok. As long as she is ok. I might as well just go home and sleep.


	9. Chapter 9

Night Horse

I am in a room. Blood is dripping from the walls and screams are heard off in the distance, but growing nearer. A man enters the room, where I stand along with Samarah. I ask the man, "What purpose do you have?" He stared back at me, his figure hidden in a shroud of shadows. "I said, what purpose do you have?" He stepped forward, the light shone onto him from an angle. He seemed not to mind it but his eyes showed hatred. A knife was raised into the air and it glistened in the light. "Do you mean to kill us? I asked him. He shook his head no, very slowly and fluidly. His face, I knew it from somewhere. Who was he? What does he want? Why is he here? He retreated into his shadows. His home. Walking along the wall, he cut the wall slightly, circling us. I told Samarah to get back, but she did not hear me. I warned her, "SAMARAH! Get behind me now!" but my words fell upon unable ears. The words were lost in the scream of a girl who had life seeping out of her. She grasped the neck wound the man had caused, trying to hold it in, trying to survive. I hurried to her, trying to help her. Eyes glowing faintly in the night. Eyes closing slowly in the night. Gone. No longer amongst the world of the living, no longer here with me. Hatred grew inside of me. Hatred festered amongst my eyes, forcing a flow of a thousand rivers to pour through my eyes. Hatred grasped my hand, and enclosed it into a fist. Hatred had consumed my whole being, but not my mind. I was calm above the neck, but below a volcano, waiting for the perfect time to erupt. I looked at the man, "How could you!? You told me you weren t here to kill us!" Continuing to walk around the room, slowly, as I followed him with my eyes. There was not a single breath he drew, a single step he took, a single blink he made, that I was not aware of. Looking at the dead girl lying on the floor, he spoke for the first time, "How could you do this to our poor Samarah...?" That voice! I know that voice! "How come you let her die? Why would you harm Samarah? You told her you cared about her, that you loved her. Why did you lie?" I raised a fist, and pointed a finger towards the man, "You. You did this to her. You cut her throat with the blade. You took her life while I watched helplessly nearby. You did this, not I." He looked at me, "Your reaction is better than I hoped for. To think... I could kill every women... man... and child, in the blink of an eye. The power of death is intoxicating."  
"You monster! How can you say that?"  
"You mean to tell me that you have never killed anyone?"  
"Never. I made a promise, and if even one life is snuffed out, she would be sad."  
"You seem to think you've never killed anyone, but I'm afraid you are very sadly mistaken. You have managed to fool no one but yourself. You want to believe that because you're hands aren't dirty, because you didn't personally pull the trigger, that you're innocent, when in actuality you have killed countless people including the one you hold most dear: Samarah."  
"You... you lie. Your forked tongue slithers as you try to force the coal of your fired lungs to come out."  
"Look at me. You probably sense that I seem familiar, like an old memory that you just can't quite remember."  
"Y-yes..."  
"Look at me, closer." The man slowly walks forward into the light.  
"It's...its y-you!" I fell in shock. Regaining my stance quickly I speak, "How is this possible. It can't be you. It can't be! If you are... than I am... Sam! I am sorry! I didn't mean to. Why, oh god, why did I?"  
"You finally understand do you? I never came here to kill anyone: You did. I never hurt a single person here: You did. Look at your hand. Who is holding the knife?"  
I look at my hand. "Oh god... it's true... how could I have done this... why? WHY!?"  
"Now, it is your turn."  
My hand rises. The knife and my hand turn towards my heart. I stab myself through the heart and fall to the ground. The man walks up to me and hovers speaking these final words, "Oh Vash... How could you? How could you?"

A single word.  
Afterwards I trembled in my wake wishing I was dead. 


	10. Chapter 10

A Letter for Samarah

Samarah, I wrote you this letter so you would know what I feel. How hard it is to be depressed, an insomniac, and unloved all at the same time. I know that my talents are poor, and the plots are weak but please realize no matter what I say I need your help Sam.

I folded the letter with the greatest precision, making sure all aspects of it would be perfect. On the front were clearly printed words, "TO SAMARAH". I put on my shoes. I put on my best pair of pants. I put on my favorite shirt. The shirt was plain white, and tight to the skin. I remember thinking to myself, "This room is just a mess". I grabbed the guitars scattered on the floor that once created sweet songs that rivaled the birds, and silenced them inside their case. I went around stealing the energy that made the electronics hum and live, unplugging them. All the things that were once in my room now reside in clearly labeled boxes, so anyone could find whatever they were looking for.

The room was completely empty, except for a bed whose sheets are also carefully folded and packed. The room being completely stripped and barren seemed so ironic to me.

I knew no one would be home for some time, nearly seven hours, so no one would care what I do. I started to exit the room when I could hear something vibrating.

I reached and grabbed my cellular phone turning it off with haste, not so much as glancing at it. I knew who it was. I threw the phone onto the bed and walked out of the room.

As I walked outside there was supposedly a flurry of senses that were supposed to come to life in others, but I must have missed it. My nose must have smelt the fire, instead of the flowers. My ears must have heard the screams, instead of the grasshoppers calling to one another. My skin must have felt the chemicals burning through it, instead of the warmth of the sun. My body must have missed the world.

Or maybe I just didn't care to notice, because only one thing grasped my mind in it's vice grip: The contemplation of freedom.

Upward, the clouds seemed to form syllables and vowels that the sky turned into words that pierced the clouds forcing them to cry.

I looked at the sky, and thrust the blade into a cavity in my chest where a heart should be. Dropping to my knees I told the sky not to mourn for me, to stop shedding tears. Instead, wash my own crimson tears into yourself, become full of nourishment. To create life from such a vile substance from the most wicked of men.

I fell to my back, water in my eyes but no tears. The world begins to blur, the clouds begin to disappear. The screams fade, the fire smothers, the acid null. The trees, gone. The earth, gone. The farce tears began to stop as a rainbow appeared as to symbolize the betterment of the world, and to replace what once was. My life, disappears.

Only one last sentence was spoken, TO SAMARAH.


End file.
